Goodbye June, hello July.

June wasn't a particularly good month, in fact it was terrible.

The two weeks in Vietnam gave me plenty of time to think about what I want (in the most selfish way), and what I don't want. Letting go wasn't easy, but more than anything it was necessary. Painful, but necessary. And dealing with the aftermath and consequences wasn't a walk in the park either. I'm learning to let go, and it does get a little easier every day. Van's gone for summer exchange and I am not exactly sure how to start talking to b again. Not having the people I'm so comfortable around is not a good feeling, but despite everything I still feel really really blessed for having a bunch of close friends that are always there for me. Old friends like them are gems to me, and I'm never letting them go. And then there's a new friend that I am really thankful for. I never expected us to get along so well. But we do, very comfortably. And I like talking to you. Maybe it's because we are both antisocial kids, so I know that you know I am not good at making conversation, or sustaining one, or initiating meetup, or telling people what is on my mind. I know you are trying to talk a bit more to me, to get me to tell you what's bothering me. I've never told you but I really appreciate all that you've done. And you always know the right things to say.

If anything the past few weeks have showed me that if you care about somebody enough, then it really is not that difficult to make the time and effort to text them, or talk to them, or meetup with them. But at the same time I also realized just how easy it is to neglect a relationship and let it slip away.

I fell myself grow up a little bit already.

"I will miss you because you were once a part of my life, because you’re not here anymore and because it hurts."
thought catalog

There are still a lot of sleepless nights, tears and hurt.

"If its a broken heart, then face it"

you I have nothing to fear.

天要黑了嗎　要告別了嗎　能不能多留一下　別管那晚霞
反正我比你更熟悉那黑暗　沒有你陪　我也得回家
你不捨得嗎　你會想念嗎　如果想到我會哭　你會心疼嗎
有誰來教我　忘記你的方法　你的笑啊　和你的淚啊　還有血紅的晚霞

林宥嘉- 早開的晚霞

how's things at your side? I made myself pretty busy lately, which is a good thing. You've no idea how many times a day I just stared at my phone wanting to call you, but eventually nothing happens. When are you free/ not working? We need to talk. This sounds like a preempt to a breakup already, even though it technically isn't one. Sometimes when I rationally think about it, ending things is probably be the best way out for both of us, but that doesn't make things any easier, or less painful. This whole thing is slowly eating me up.

i'm so lost because i dont want to regret.

i want a new beginning, and i understand that i cannot have one until i settle my past and tie all the loose ends i have. but life just got a little bit more complicated after i come back.

Hey, uhm I'm back. I'm sorry I missed your two calls yst. It's not like I intentionally avoided the call, I just kinda didn't call back. That was really immature of me I'm sorry. A part of me is still really not ready to be back in Sg, and the two weeks away did gave me a lot of time to think about us. Right now my mind's in huge mess, and I've got so many jumbled up thoughts and feelings I need to straighten out. I wrote you a short letter while I was there, will scan and post it up to you abit later. Give me a little bit more time, maybe until the end of the week or something, will you? L